My son, uncle and I met on my parent’s farm on Friday, October 26, 2023, at 11:00 am. We drove the gorgeous mountain route down through Shenandoah Valley, her hills dotted with harvest colors. We hit very little traffic, had a boatload of laughs, and broke up the time listening to True Crime podcasts.
We were typically in the car for 12 hours a day, slept on pull-out couches, experienced some very poor customer service, squeezed our butt cheeks through a handful of sketchy moments, and probably had one of the worst meals of our lives at a joint named Grill Out. I think we were all delusional by that point, envisioning a sweet backyard set with picnic tables and food fresh off the grill. Ha couldn’t be farther from the truth! Fortunately, no food poisoning ensued.
We arrived at Sarasota/Bradenton Airport in time to pick up my father and brother. Envision a clown car; a bike on the back with a suitcase tied down to the trunk, five sardines in a sedan with carry-ons under our feet, between our legs, and on our laps!
We zipped to a local sports bar for lunch and a beer, a quick walk on Siesta Key Beach, and then made the brilliant decision to go grocery shopping prior to our 4:00 check-in. Can you imagine the result of five tired, hot, squished, sugar crashing, sleep deprived people trying to shop in Walmart without a plan?
Despite the mishaps and anxious moments to be expected when traveling, I had a glorious four days with my men and am forever grateful for our precious time together. In the ensuing days, we relaxed and fell into a routine: beach, jacuzzi, drinks, dinner consisting of meat and more meat, and finished the day with ice cream and a comedy.
On day 2, we headed for “the boat” which we did eventually encounter, along with a warning to be careful. I had brought my men so they could meet this guy, inspect the interior and feel this was a safe and viable option. In the end, it was not. My heart went kerplunk. I felt foolish and embarrassed and lost more than a few hours of sleep. With my men surrounding me, I was able to feel safe, let go, and allow the creation of a new path.
Currently, I am seated outdoors with a delicious coffee in hand, next to a waterfall that drops from a jacuzzi into a pool, overlooking a lovely body of water. The background noise of flowing water, song of the birds, along with the cool breeze is par none. This Sarasota gated community is idyllic. I thoroughly enjoy post dinner walks in a magical fairyland; tall gas lanterns line the streets and perfectly lighted landscapes all twinkle with immense privilege. This palatial home belongs to a kind and gracious friend who took me in without a moment’s hesitation.
Messy describes the day I arrived. After dropping my guys off at the Punta Gorda airport and a good cry, I sat in Starbucks from 6 to 7 am, before visiting a childhood friend. I headed north to my next destination running on fumes. The overwhelm was crushing. Confused and vulnerable, I walked in circles around a grocery store. Dazed and incapable of making decisions, I finally settled at an outside table with a cup of chicken soup before returning for dinner items.
Feeling the difficult emotions and having the courage to share with loved ones allowed angels to step in and lift me up. Friends and family gently guided me in transforming my negative self-talk. (This didn’t happen to me, it happened for me). The prospect of the boat moved me out of my comfort zone. Living in contrast allowed me to see ME more clearly as I welcomed my old friends, Fear and Unworthiness. As the observer, I am then afforded the opportunity to change and grow.
I am blessed. It is the journey, not the destination that I embrace, doing my best to ride the waves of discomfort and lean into the practice of receiving and believing I am worthy of it all.
Love will prevail.
I love you. I love me. Only love.
Patty