Have you ever been gob-smacked by ageism, excluded from an event or activity based on age, or simply blanked out on how old you really are?
This has happened several times over the past couple of decades, and I’d like to think it’s because I don’t feel my age, nor has my age ever limited the way I choose to live.
I remember filling my age in on a form as my daughter watched over my shoulder. I penciled in 40 and she curtly reminded me I was 50! Where did 10 years go? More recently, a girlfriend and I were having coffee, discussing the pros and cons of taking Social Security at 62, which somehow in my mind was a far-off event. She shared, “Well, I’ve already applied.”
My mind whirled; what the hell was she talking about? I graduated with this girl, who was she kidding? Darn, that hit me like a ton of bricks…I’m Social Security age!!!
A couple of years back, I took early retirement. Unable to collect my pension without penalty, I cobbled together a plan to live without an income. I rented my home to become a gypsy, traveling to faraway places for months at a time, living with family in between. Truly, the adventure of a lifetime!
However, all did not work out as planned. Surprise, surprise! The plan to stay with my then boyfriend for weekends vaporized. Kerplunk. The month on a sailboat in Longboat Key sank like an anchor. Kerplunk, kerplunk. And the surf-yoga retreat in Costa Rica crashed and burned. Kerplunk, kerplunk, kerplunk! And as you may have guessed, they all basically blew up because they were too good to be true.
As I scanned the pictures on Facebook of the yoga-surf retreat, I was flabbergasted. Most of the pics were of half-dressed twenty-somethings gigging (remember that term!) alcohol from bottles held over their heads, their mouths open like baby chicks. Other pics featured buff boys in speedos, lots of tongue, hang tens and titties. Still more were of painted bodies, arms up in the air, dancing around a fire. This was supposed to be an all-inclusive retreat in Costa Rica for yoga and surfing, not a sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll extravaganza!
“Un-yogi-like” thoughts bubbled up; judgement flooded in; anger and self-doubt encircled. What’s my problem here? Why am I getting all bitchy? I’ll tell you why… I was a 59-year-old discovering that I had signed up for…NOT THIS!
How many times had my father touted, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”
Yup, and I have more than a handful of experiences to back up this little piece of wisdom. However, I continue to seek deals and remain optimistic, hence signing up for an all-inclusive eight-day yoga-surf camp in Tamarindo, Costa Rica for a whopping $400. I did this for a few reasons. First, it was a great freaking deal! In addition, I wanted to push beyond my edge; I knew yoga, but surfing would be a new, daunting pursuit. And finally, I wanted to frontload my four-week stay at a nearby villa.
No shit, another too good to be true data point for the books. But this time was different as my age factored into my exclusion!
I sent several emails (first red flag) on what I thought were important details, inquiring about sleeping arrangements and a lockbox in the room for valuables (red flags 2 and 3!)
Apparently, these were questions not typically asked; I can imagine the surfboards were pulled to shore for a giant puff-puff-pow-wow. The Costa Rican tribe became sus and needed to find a way to oust my inclusion.
They danced around the big question. “I’m a very in shape 59-year-old,” I replied assertively and a bit defensively.
They tiptoed in, “We don’t think this would be a good fit for you,” translated as, “Oh holy hell, you are way too old for this scene and a threat to our culture…..she’s a narc!”
This was a direct hit to my ego; a slap across the face. When did I step over the line of “too old”? How did I get to the juicy age of 59!!!
This clearly wasn’t what I’d signed up for and they were in full agreement, quickly offering a full refund. I readily accepted.
Hmmm, a full refund, no questions asked, seemed too good to be true. As I started the process of acquiring my funds, the travel company informed me this was not an option. Instead, they offered credit toward another retreat. I poked into their reputation and found numerous complaints. It felt sketchy and I wanted 100% out.
Again, the power of the pen along with the wisdom of age worked in my favor. I patiently stayed the course, clearly stated my case, and as a last resort, pulled the ageism card. “Listen, you all decided I was not “fit” for this retreat and I graciously bowed out. Now, I’ll be in Costa Rica without a place to stay. The least you could do is return my money so I can apply it elsewhere.”
Age and wisdom want to know where they will sleep and have a safe place to store valuables, right? Age and wisdom bring valuables. They don’t show up empty-handed, ready to sleep on the floor or in a bunk, potentially being rained on by the drunk person sleeping above. Youth is willing to throw caution to the wind, but age and wisdom are self-knowing and assertive about their wants, needs, and desires. And this is a beautiful thing.
I could have chosen to attend the yoga-surf retreat with the half-naked alcohol glugging 20 somethings, but at my age I am more into JOMO than FOMO! I aim to reduce suffering and waste less energy over decisions around pushing beyond my limits, trying too hard to stay young, or adopting the “you got to party hardy” mentality. There is great peace that comes from knowing and choosing what is right and good for me. This is liberation and peace of mind! The Joy of Missing Out is where I currently reside and I couldn’t be happier about my place in the world at this moment in time.
P.S. I’m signing up for Social Security and still climbing mountains!
P.S.S. And yes, I’ll continue to seek the “too good to be true” adventures in life, trusting that the Universe has my back. All of the things that fell through were simply not meant to be. Each miss led me down an alternate path providing opportunities for precious personal growth.
Thanks for coming along with me, Dear Friends. You are the cherries on top.