After 3 days of Professional Development that entailed multiple meetings, a dynamic speaker, a boring lawyer, a Right to Read training, and an unnerving video on dating violence, I left school on Thursday feeling physically and emotionally drained.
The back to school energy shift is difficult for teachers, students, support staff and families alike. Please be patient and gentle with yourselves. I have learned over the years to say no to all other commitments for September and October.
On the flip side, September is an exciting time of renewal. We shift, squirm, and adjust until we settle into the new normal. This reminds me of yoga teacher training day when my teacher Devarshi drew a large circle on chart paper and introduced us to the Cycle of Life. I have never forgotten it and continue to pay it forward. It changed my life.
The cycle starts at normal and rotates around to change, chaos, the Void, integration, and finally a new normal. For most of my life, I avoided the hard emotions. I couldn’t be there for myself and therefore was incapable of being there for others, missing out on so much of what life is truly about. Those were sad, lonely and shame-filled years of feeling frozen, disconnected, and inept.
We all strive for “normal” or status quo, but inevitably there is change and often change turns to chaos. This is the stage of the game where most of us freak out. The alarm bells scream, the sirens blare, as we attempt to beeline it back to “normal” as quickly as possible. This involves distraction: watching TV, shopping, gambling, getting high, eating, playing video games, scrolling social media, and over-planning, to name just a few.
These distractions short circuit the cycle that would continue to the Void, integration, and a new normal. And these three steps are crucial for our emotional growth and ability to experience peace and love! All those years of going half circle and missing the richest part of life, the part that was vital for connection.
So, please allow me to share with you a real life example of how this played out just recently. Last week I left school still reeling from the dating violence video. I couldn’t believe how much I learned and hadn’t been aware of.! This information is not just for our young adults who are most vulnerable, but for all of us. You can learn more at www.labmf.org
I walked out of the building with a fairly wide open four day weekend ahead. This was an amazing gift, right? I had made no solid plans, however, in that moment it set me into a mild panic which was exasperated by my exhaustion and overwhelm. This tumbled into a distorted perception of truth and as a recovering co-dependent, I took on the weight of the world, intending to save everyone else but myself.
Fortunately, instead of running for distraction, I went home to eat a nutritious meal, pour a seltzer with a splash of juice in a beautiful wine goblet, sit on the floor and write. I dove into the hard stuff and literally sat in the void. I questioned my outdated, underlying beliefs. Is that really true? No, the truth is I can only save myself.
Despite a fitful sleep, I slogged myself to Wilson Park for pickle ball Friday morning and this is where the miracles began. First, because I went to pickle ball, I learned about a band playing at the Narragansett gazebo that evening. Next, upon my return home, I discovered the beach truck had become unexpectedly available and subsequently spent the afternoon on Narragansett Beach with my son and grandchildren. What an unexpected delight!
That evening, after dancing our booties off, Wendy and I took a seat at the bar on the Coast Guard House deck. While sipping our Prosecco who should walk by but my ex and his new girlfriend! They stopped and we all had a dynamic 20 minute conversation. After excusing themselves to a romantic corner table overlooking the ocean, Wendy and I agreed that if things didn’t work out between them, we were sweeping her into our friendship group. We both fell in love with her!
As a result of surrendering to the “Void” Thursday evening and not jumping in to plan out the following day, it serendipitously unfolded, sprinkled with glittery moments of peace, joy, and mostly love.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this teaching!
I wish you a lifetime of full circles.