So much learning, seeing, shifting and healing came from my decision to retire early and rent my home to travel and live with family and a friend in the space between.
The year was filled with challenges that stretched me, yet unknowingly readied me for my biggest life adventure, a loving relationship!
* * *
The first leg of the journey was to be a one month stay on a sailboat docked on Long Boat Key in Sarasota. My son, father, uncle and brother accompanied me to Florida and as it became apparent that this opportunity would fall through, gently held me as I grasped at next steps. After dropping the most important men in my life at the airport, I sat alone in the wee morning hours sipping a Starbucks latte. I felt lost, alone, foolish and vulnerable.
IWNHH: My realization there are so many people in my corner. I am resilient and there is always a way forward. (This is a what is called GRIT, passion plus perseverance – as defined by Angela Duckworth).
I called a friend of a friend and asked if I could stay with her for a week or two while searching for another rental. In exchange, I’d buy groceries, cook dinners, and clean. She gracefully accepted my offer and at the end of two weeks, asked me to stay longer. (Big smile).
IWNHH: Living outside my comfort zone in every way possible provided an opportunity to see my own quirks and ingrained ways of being, but more importantly that I preferred living with others!
My living arrangement changed six more times that year and not surprisingly, each time I moved to a new household, I was thrown off. The integration period was real, figuring out and adjusting to the lay of the land. Learning to live out of small spaces and stay tidy and confined while finding my own rhythm and routine. At times, I felt physically sick and had secret panic attacks.
IWNHH: These painful moments helped me to come face to face with my people-pleasing behavior, lack of voice, and the deep belief that I wasn’t enough. I.e. take up as little space as possible and do as much as you can to provide value.
Living with my parents, as well as my children and grandchildren, was an all-around love fest experiment and afforded precious extended time with family that I’ll forever cherish. Who moves back in with their parents at the age of 60? I got to!!! What an opportunity as I learned to sit in it, work through it, accept my flaws, heal and release some ol’ doggy doo-doo.
When I was a kid, the boys used to pick up a hunk of dog shit on the end of a stick and chase us girls chanting, “doo-doo”. We’d run and scream and plead for them to stop. If I could go back, I’d stand firm, look them in the eyes, smack that stick right out of their hands and deliver a booming Gina Raimondo, “Knock it off!”
IWNHH: Every bump along the way allowed me an experience to change, which I whole-heartedly embraced. I have strengthened my ability to self-regulate, stand up for myself, grow my generosity, and expand my heart. Self-awareness has turned to spiritual awakening and the net result, growth.
But the greatest and most unexpected gift came in the form of a man, a man I would have missed if the stars had not aligned. I believe my angels, my beloved Auntie Bert and her best friend, Rita, were up in heaven laughing, smoking, gossiping and preparing a magical chain of events that brought Tom into my life.
This blog began when I hired a matchmaker several years ago which was a bust, so I married myself for a while. Instead of continuing to search for a partner I did not believe existed, I began dancing my heart out with my two dancing queens and retired prematurely to become a traveling gypsy.
In October of 2023, I signed up for my last go, 6 months of Match.com, and worked it like a job! I went out with ALL the men, mostly for coffee dates. None lasted more than 3 meetings, and in the end, none were a match. And although I thought I was happy living alone in My Little House of Light, I clearly still desired relationship, and very tentatively, cohabitation. Somewhere deep down, I held out hope that the dream partner I journaled about existed.
Nearing the end of my 6-month Match subscription, I resigned myself to letting go of the search, and as you may have guessed, Tom dropped from the heavens. I was in Costa Rica when I received his “like”. Hmmm, he lives in Narragansett. I fired off a message, “I’m a Gansett Girl. Let’s chat.”
We texted voraciously for 2 weeks. Our communication was at once deeply personal yet balanced with ample banter and constant laughter!
Later he admitted he had been sitting on the couch scrolling through profiles on his Match.com account when suddenly, in a flash of brilliance (aka Bert), he bumped his age range up to 60. That’s when Bert and Rita busted open their entire bag of fairy dust!
IWNHH: I had traveled the world to find love in my own backyard! And if I hadn’t traveled and cohabitated, I wouldn’t have been ready for this commitment and depth of love.
A journal entry from December 1, 2023; “Perhaps this year is meant to be. There are no accidents. What if it leads me to a breaking open, deep healing, and the truest commitment I’ve ever made to compassion, connection and my purpose on earth? Trust that this is all happening for me. Pray, feel, cry, feel, cry, transform, rinse and repeat.”
Maintaining joy and a sense of humor have been a lifelong challenge, but as I lean in, trust, learn and practice giving and receiving love, it becomes easier to laugh and lighten up. Blessings abound.
This blog entry is merely an ending to a phase of my life that was entirely necessary to develop, grow and awaken to what was really so close to me; to fall in love, have a voice, feel valued and be….me, the original me, the best me, the real me, the me-est me!! Now I get to continue to grow and evolve in a relationship that once seemed so out of touch.
To new beginnings. Please stay tuned. Keep eyes wide open. Believe in miracles.
With Deep Love and Gratitude for you, my Readers.
