Do you remember this game? You pull out one of the many pixie sticks from the crisscrossed tangle inside a clear cylinder and hope a marble doesn’t fall through to the bottom? Do you remember the feeling of dread at the heavy kerplunk!
Ha ha, over the summer I’ve lost a few marbles! My retirement plan is NOT going as planned.
On June 1, 2023, I wrote: In 13 days, I get to begin a new chapter in my life. I’ll retire and rent my “little house of light,” and make enough to cover bills and spend a few months in Florida.
The original plan was to live with family members one month at a time, cooking and cleaning in exchange for room and board. My weekends would be spent with my then boyfriend. Plunk! A marble dropped.
The next brainstorm (and it was a solid and saner option) was to rent the studio apartment over my son’s garage until December 2024. I was counting on securing two 9 month rentals with officers stationed in Newport. Plunk, plunk, plunk! I wasn’t getting any bites.
This forced me to reach out to several friends and huck a plea out to the universe. They all answered. The released marbles turned into pearls of opportunity:
“Have you tried advertising to Visiting Nurses?”
“You can stay at my place if you cook meals for my elderly mom.”
“Have you considered housesitting?”
“Forget Florida, rent my place in Costa Rica!”
“Come live on my houseboat in Sarasota.”
The game continues! Are there more “kerplunks” around the corner? You bet your cute bootie!!!
In the meantime, I continue to prepare my house as if I am moving out September 1st. I’ve chucked a large portion of my clothes and almost all holiday decor. Packing away knickknacks, pictures, and all other personal effects is overwhelming. And what to do with my beloved plants!
This simplifying is energizing and freeing. I feel lighter (and I’m sure my children will thank me some day for not leaving them a house full of shit). On the other hand, there’s a deep down ache, a feeling of loss, another ending. I am leaving the little life I created post divorce. I am letting go to items from my marriage and our life as a young family.
In the past, I would have pushed past all of these emotions. It was the only way I knew to survive. But now I chose to feel it all. Finding healthy ways to process and release: cry, scream, write, walk, talk, dance, take a bath, doodle, and meditate. They are crucial in helping me to be courageous and still.
Returning home in January 2025 will force another renewal. A few renovations will be made. And remember that 3 season porch I so desire? When I return to this sweet spot, it will be built!
Only Love,
Patty