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Musings on Living Alone

I don’t think it’s good to live alone for too long a time.  In my experience, one becomes a bit animalistic.  Sometimes I shove food in my mouth like I’ve been asleep for 20 years. And if it’s pudding or cookie dough, I lick that huge stainless steel bowl like a dog.  If it’s popcorn with ghee, you better watch out.  I’m a beaver on a streak to build his winter damn on December 19th. It’s embarrassing!  However, no one is there to check me.  “If a tree falls in the forest….”

Ironically, I’m always the one proclaiming, “We live in America.  No one’s going to starve here!”  You just never know about people. 

Other times, I rip a loud, gross fart because I can.  I realize this is why my Dad has done this his whole life!  It feels good and it’s healthy, or so he claims when my mother gives him the evil eye.  They’ve been married for over 50 years, so you can imagine how many evil eyes he’s endured!  I suck at math, but I bet it’s a trillion something.

I always shave my pits, but can go a month without shaving my legs.  At times, my pubs reach mid-thigh.

I wake up super stinky and stick my nose into my armpit to gauge the damage I did the day before.  If I’m eating and drinking clean, there’s a sweet, neutral odor. 

Nobody sees me scrape the slime from my tongue in the morning, according to Ayurvedic medicine, another indicator of eating well. 

I can walk to the coffee pot looking and smelling like Sasquatch and it’s heaven, people!

We used to have a family friend who would get up an hour earlier than her husband every morning to do her hair and make-up before he arose.  If I ever live with a man again, I’d like to linger in bed, giggling and cuddling, despite the bad breath, raccoon eyes and BO. And just once, mustering up the courage and confidence to perform a surprise dutch oven attack!

Seek equanimity and peace in all situations.  Stay grounded and honor your Self, my friends.  Allow joy and most importantly, practice LOVE.