I hit the RI ground running following five slow-going, relaxed, culture-filled, adventurous weeks in Costa Rica. Imagine Sonic the Hedgehog, held up by the scruff of his neck, legs spinning wildly. Then set down, Zoooooom, off at breakneck speed!
I just had to go dancing the very next night at the Gansett. That’s the night I first met Paul in person. We’d been corresponding for weeks while I was in Costa Rica. I responded to his like on Match just before my 6-month commitment ended. Ironic. And he had recently bumped his age range up to 62. More ironic!
Part of the frenzy in the space between was attempting to check all the boxes before leaving for my next and last big adventure in April, three weeks in Mexico. Spending time with family and friends, playing, preparing taxes, and renovating my AirBnB for the upcoming season were top priorities, as was returning to my daily focus on cooking, yoga, cardio, and weight training, for overall well-being.
Layer in the move from my parents’ home to living with my daughter, her wife, and two delightful little ones, ages 4 and 7. Although I love being the live-in “Boom”, (not Grama), the pace of life is different. I went from Wheel of Fortune to Big Wheels, Jeopardy to trampoline jumping, turning into bed to falling into bed!
I am finding that each transition takes an emotional and physical toll. There is sadness, a mourning for what we had together and the lovely rhythm that took shape, followed by a period of upheaval and uncertainty as I attune to the new living environment.
Don’t get me wrong, there was much joy amidst the toil: dinner on the hill and Frozen at PPAC with my eldest Granddaughter, drumming, sharing delicious meals with family and friends, long walks, coffee talks, reading to my grandchildren, Sunday Funday at the Mist, and several dates with my new Love!
But alas, it was too much! I went full throttle until my body said, “No, thank you. I’m taking you down. Grab a good book because you are going to spend a couple of days in bed.” I chose to reread, Big Magic, by E. Gilbert. She never fails to fill me with hope, inspiration and a sense of validation.
Liz shares, “It has taken me years to learn this, but it does seem to be the case that if I am not actively creating something, then I am probably actively destroying something (myself, a relationship, or my own peace of mind).” Writing=creating.
Although I claim to prioritize my well-being, I am still not adept at taking heed of the blaring sirens from body and mind, “Warning, warning, Dear Patty. You are out of control!”
And clearly the evidence was mounting!
Case in point #1: My car was a shitshow, filled with an air conditioner, a commercial steam cleaner, laundry paraphernalia, a suitcase, beach bag and other remnants from two of my three homes. I went the entire winter without my automatic car starter and still haven’t located the glass jar full of VIP keys. I’m as scattered as the wind!
Case in point #2: The other night I came in all spastic from drumming, started up the stairs, abruptly turned back down, missed a step, careened into the dining room and crashed. I stayed down for several minutes and laughed heartily at myself, suffered a bit of a painful sleep, but most importantly experienced humility and grace.
I am keenly aware that I suffer a great deficit in the protection of my energy. I go too hard for too long and the big three tend to go by the wayside: my writing, meditation practice, and down time. Without fail, they fade away and I fall.
Joan Didion shares, “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means, what I want and what I fear.”
I, too, write to find my way, shine the light on my blind spots, and get back to work. Try, try again. Thank you, Joan Didion, for validating “my way”, which allows time to look at the truth, and often absurdities, of my life and recalibrate while pondering the underpinnings of this great need to overachieve and stay too full.
Eventually I catch my breath and return to my Self. Yoga and breath work never fail me. I gather in my limbs and kiss my knees, then lengthen out and hold my hands to my belly and heart and say a prayer, expressing gratitude for the ability to breathe, move and Love.
How do you slow down to the speed of life, re-group and reframe the rhythm of your being?
DM me, I’d love to hear from you!
Be well, my Loves.
