Just as summer break isn’t as sweet without nine months of school and a cold shandy is significantly more refreshing after a long bike ride, contemplating death helps us to live a more vibrant, intentional and loving life.
A few summers ago, I spent a month at Esalen in Big Sur, CA. One of many heart and mind expanding exercises was to lay in shivasana as our leader led us deep into a meditation and subsequently through the physical stages of death in the body. Some of the group opted out. After a good chunk of time, we were slowly drawn back to a seated position and asked to write to this prompt…What would I do with my time if I knew I had only a year to live? As you can imagine, it was a powerful exercise and one that started my quest for an answer.
It took several years to come to a definitive answer, but when it came, it struck with great clarity.
I immediately sat down to write a group text.
* * * * * *
Dear Family,
I have taken time over the past few years to consider how I would desire to spend time if I had only a year to live? And this is what sprang from my heart.
I’d like to live with each of you for one month or two (one in the fall, one in the spring). I plan to put my home out for a nine month rental and in return secure a three month rental in Florida. There will be plenty of space for visitors!
I’ll need a room of my own and will take only the bare minimum: a laptop, clothes and the Nespresso. In exchange for room and board, I will cook and clean Monday through Thursday. Oh, and I’ll vacate the premises for the weekends.
Below is a proposed schedule. Mull it over and please be okay with saying, “No, thank you.”
September: G2 and family
October: Erica and family
November: Travels to Mexico
December: Mom and Dad
January, February, March: Florida
April: Gregory and family
May: Erica and family
I sent the text in chunks and before I had finished, I received my first reply.
“We can give you G3’s room and we’ll redo the first floor shower.”
A few more followed:
“I would love to have help with cooking.”
“You can come to Mexico with us in November.”
“Wow, that’s awesome! Very exciting!”
“How fun!!! We would love to have you stay here… you are welcome whenever/for however long.”
“We feel the same way!”
My Dad only communicates through the landline. Cell phones and computers do not exist in his world. He says, “I read your email (text) and I hope you know you can stay here forever.”
The stars have aligned: I am retiring, I am single, and I am willing to take a leap of faith and follow my intuition on this one. I desire to spend deep and intentional time with the people I love most.
My heart swells with gratitude that this plan (that I) was overwhelmingly received. I feel so deeply cherished. They still want me! And I am not yet too old and set in my ways to go.
A great adventure it will be, but I don’t go blindly. My time in each home will have some bumps in the road as all living situations do. I may miss my alone time. I may miss silence. I may feel like a teenager sneaking into the house after 10:00.
But in exchange I’ll have snuggles, little feet in my back while sleeping, puzzles, books, tickles, homework, muffins, coffee talks, family dinners, laughter, game nights, stories and roads to travel. No contest!
My constant mantra will be to stay present enough to teach and learn, heal and be healed, but mostly to give and receive love to the ultimate limits of my heart.
It’s going to be quite a ride! “If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your family.” Ram Dass
Dr. Seuss, take me away.