Day four in Costa Rica was a very lonely day. Had some bathroom issues throughout the morning that thankfully passed. Then chose the hottest part of the day to walk to town for groceries. Lugging groceries on your back in the hot 90-degree sun is no bueno. By 3:00, I felt physically and mentally depleted.
I slogged through the rest of the day, forcing myself back out for a couple more walks; sat in the shade at the beach to read and explored a new street in Langosta. Back home, I binge watched “The Blue Zones” on Netflix (a must see) and crawled into bed by 8:30, determined that tomorrow would be a better day! (in Old Indian man’s accent), “Sometimes the day is f@ck&d and it cannot be unf@ck&d. Just go to bed!”
Fall apart to rebuild.
I got out of bed on day 5 with purpose. I made a cup of coffee and settled at the small table in the pool area to write.
What is this potent and haunting loneliness? For me, loneliness is a lack of connection, the ability to connect, or opportunity to connect. Here in Costa Rica, I am feeling a bit of all three. And in my defense, there are several causes:
I’m in a small condo development without a common area in which to bump into potential friends. I don’t drink, so sitting at a bar isn’t very appealing. I’m not a sun goddess and try to avoid it at every turn.
As I wrote and released, my spirit lifted, reminding me that “this too shall pass.”
My first big move of the day was to take a Vinyasa yoga class at 10:00 am and hopefully connect with a new yogi friend to share coffee with after class. I met Patrick and we shared a smoothie on the beach. Our connection was easy and enjoyable. Bonus: he gave me a ride home. Warning: speed bumps in a rickety old golf cart can take your spine out.
New friend happens to be looking for property in Langosta and the condo I’m staying at is for sale, so I showed him the space and connected him with the realtor. Love the serendipity that occurs when new doors are opened.
New friend has also given me the opportunity to practice relationship boundaries. I am all about leading with the truth these days and explained to him I’m not interested in anything more than friendship. “That’s okay. We can be friends with benefits,” he persists.
“That is not going to happen,” I quip.
I love how we can both stand in our own truth.
On day 6 in Costa Rica, I started to slow down to the speed of life. My fears began to drop away. My nervous system was regulating, and my days were gathering rhythm. I do feel safe here as no one has ever approached me or even made a remark. But I have been warned by several people, “Keep watch over your shit.”
Here is C.R., walking is my main mode of transportation! At home, I walk to exercise and pump it out, cranking the incline up to 10 at the gym. Here, I go slow to survive. “Be still and know” has come to mean, “Be still and live.”
I’ve found my hOMe at Ser Om Shanti and it has been (unsurprisingly) a life changer. I also discovered The Langosta Beach Club, a good coffee house and a few delicious restaurants.
Today I met another new friend at yoga. She and her husband graciously offered me a ride home in an air-conditioned vehicle! What a treat! And I get to see them at our local Langosta bar for the Superbowl. Seeing a familiar face in a foreign country is like striking gold!
Being alone is getting easier. I travel father and explore more each day. I now have 3 ½ friends!
p.s. I captured and released a scorpion! His name was Scott. I got right to the point and told Scott he couldn’t stay to hang out and that there was not a snowball’s chance in hell of being friends with benefits. I really gave it to him and I’m quite proud. *More truth-telling practice under the belt!
Oh, and I no longer need to do the reach around trick to get out of the gate!!
Fortitude and small steps!
Love All Ways.
